You know you have Gluten Intolerance if ...

This is just TOO funny ... and yet, SO true!


You know you have Gluten Intolerance if ...

1. if your bread looks like a moon rock and tastes like dried out play doh.

2. if you run from real play doh!

3. if at least once a day you fake a smile and say, ... "Sorry, I can't have that."

4. if you call a dream about eating pizza and chocolate cake a nightmare!

5. if you eat ... before ... you go out to eat.

6. if you bring your own soy sauce to the sushi restaurant.

7. if you think the words "Are you sure it's not all in your head?" are grounds for murder, especially when they come from your DOCTOR!

8. if you have thought about strangling friends and relatives who suggest "It won't hurt you to have just a a little bit, will it?"

9. if you can’t remember what real crackers are supposed to taste like.

10. if you actually have nightmares about reading labels.

11. if you compare all of your food to "normal-people-food."

12. if you call all your relatives when you get sick and say. “It MUST have be been something Cross-Contaminated at your place”!

13. if you know that Xantham Gum is NOT for chewing.

14. if you know that 'Spelt' is a distant cousin of wheat, but 'Buckwheat' is not related to wheat at all.

15. if the builders working on the house next door can EASILY substitute your "bread" for one of their bricks.

16. if you actually know what an anti-TTG and an IGA blood test are.

17. if you can find "Hidden Gluten" in food labels in the blink of an eye, and your family couldn't find them if they had a magnifying glass, dictonary and a PhD!

18. if you've had to give a doctor a 'Crash Course' in Gluten Intolerance.

19. if a 7 Course Meal is really a 1 Course Meal for you - Lettuce.

20. if you have written"Contaminated"on jars of jam.

21. if it takes you 4 hours to do your grocery shopping and your eyesight is ruined.

22. if you hyperventilate when passing by the bakery counter.

23. if you've ever deliberately rammed your trolley into a Shredded Wheat display 'in a fit of rage'.

24. if you've ever had to take out a loan to pay the grocery bill.

25. if you've had to replace every pot, pan and baking dish in your kitchen ... even though they all work perfectly well!

26. if you've ever picked 4 different brands of chicken broth before finding one that you can have.

27. if you are up late at night trying to develop a recipe for pizza without flour, cheese, yeast, tomatoes, beef, garlic and oregano.

28. if you can spell 'Transglutaminase' and 'Dermatitis Herpetiformis'.

29. if you just discovered how to make flour out of beans.

30. if having a "solid bowel movement' is the highlight of your day.

31. if you've mastered saying "I actually enjoy MY food" without having your face twitch.

32. if you know all about guar gum and its uses.

33. if you hide the gluten-free cookies when friends come over, so they don’t eat them.

34. if you see someone buying rice flour and you just have to ask them if they are gluten intolerant too!

35. if your friend wants to make you a gluten free birthday cake, but you plead with them not to go to that trouble ... because you're secretly terrified it will be cross contaminated.

36. if all your favorite sites are food intolerance related.

37. if you've mastered the art of lying when people ask you “Aren’t you hungry”.

38. if you long to look at the contents of other people's fridges and pantries just to see if you can eat anything!

39. if someone complains of IBS, and you have to fight the urge to yell "Quit eating Gluten!"

40. if you burst into tears of Relief at the sight of the words "Gluten Free" written on the corner of a product.

41. if you've installed floor-to-ceiling bookcases in your bathroom.

42. if you have a stack of recipes that you printed off the internet sitting on your dining room table that you haven't tried yet.

43. if you have called a restaurant to ask if they have a gluten free menu ... and then had to explain what gluten is!

44. if you have ever explained why regular oats are bad but "GF-certified oats" are okay ... even if they look the same.

45. if you've ever walked into an Asian store and squealed when you see rice flour for only $6 for 5 lbs!

46. if you keep a freezer full of "safe" meals for emergencies when you can't cook.

47. if you have a list of safe restaurants in the glove compartment of your car.

48. if at least one of your suitcases is filled with food when you travel.

49. if you get asked to go to lunch with co-workers and you have to ask where they are going before you can give your answer.

50. if you know who Bette Hagman is.


***Originally from here, but I tweaked it a bit and added to it! :D

 

2 comments:

Carrie said...

Nicely done Clara!! ;-) I giggled the whole time!! lol I TOTALLY understand!!

Martha said...

Hi, I'm new to your site. I just loved this!! I have a sugar intolerance and can completely relate to most of these. It can be frustrating to deal with others and I hardly ever eat at friend's houses without expecting to feel the results later. We think my husband has a gluten intolerance, so we're going gluten-free starting now. I've enjoyed reading and plan to frequent your site as I make the transition. Thanks again, and congrats on one year free! :)


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